


Autophobia

by Miraichaos



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Octopunk Media's Detroit Evolution
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Violence, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27440467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraichaos/pseuds/Miraichaos
Summary: Gavin Reed didn't need anyone else. He could take care of himself. Isolation was the rule he lived by. It was strange, however, how he was adamant on pushing everyone and everything away when there was nothing he feared more than being alone.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 103





	Autophobia

**Author's Note:**

> A little something I wrote a while ago but never got around to publishing.

Accepting help had never been something Gavin Reed was good at. He could take care of himself, and he wanted to prove that. He didn’t need help. He didn’t need anyone, or anything. He, himself, and him were enough.

As a young man beaten and bloodied, wandering Detroit in the dead of night with no home, no destination, nowhere to escape the ruthless cold of winter, Gavin had been found by Fowler. He’d been hesitant and untrusting when a _cop_ pulled up and started talking to him. He almost didn’t get in the car when told to. Gavin only obeyed because he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance if Fowler decided not to give him a choice.

As a newbie at the DPD, Gavin rarely asked for help. Anything he could do alone, he did. He only asked questions when he couldn’t risk messing something up because he wasn’t sure what he was doing.

As an officer, Gavin worked alone. His cold, harsh demeanor drove away partners like a permanent, unfailing curse. No matter how patient Fowler’s next candidate was, none could stand Gavin for long. They all requested new partners, or even an entire _transfer_ , within days.

-000-

Gavin Reed wasn’t a man with many friends. He tolerated only two people in the entire DPD, and even they had taken years to grow on him enough where he would give them the light of day. Chris Miller and Tina Chen were the only people who could talk to Gavin and receive anything but snark and sarcasm in return, though even they were sometimes on the receiving end of Gavin’s frigid mood.

-000-

There were few things in the world that could scare Gavin Reed. He saw brutalized bodies and gruesome crime scenes so often that nausea no longer bubbled up in his throat at the sight of them. He’d had guns pointed at his head while trembling fingers rested on the trigger. He’d lost coworkers. He’d been cussed out by killers who screamed at his back when he arrested them and turned them over for detention. He’d seen horrors, _real_ horrors; he’d even experienced them himself. He’d been beaten within an inch of his life and thrown out of the only home he had left when there was no family to turn to. He’d suffered, and he’d _survived_. Those realities didn’t scare him.

Nothing could terrify Gavin Reed like the false memories conjured in his head. His mind returned to his trauma in his sleep and twisted it into something worse than the horror he’d endured. Sleep transported him to a world where Fowler hadn’t been out on patrol that fateful night over twenty years ago. He lived out the same nightmare over and over again: Fowler never showed, and Gavin died. He died face-down in the snow where he’d collapsed when his wobbling, rubbery legs finally gave out. He died in the cold, feeling the cruel chill of winter in his fractured bones. He died forgotten, unknown, not mourned by a single living soul. He died alone. Nothing scared him more than that nightmare that taunted him every time he closed his eyes, reminding him of his own insignificance as a man who could easily have lost it all so long ago.

-000-

“Fuckin’ leave me _alone_ ,” Gavin snarled at his newest partner. He’d been solo for years, but after the android revolution, Fowler had called him into his office to meet the poor bastard who would be stuck with him for an entire day before they were able to transfer. Just Gavin’s luck, his new partner was none other than an android. Not just any android, either. Connor’s _goddamn successor_ , the RK900. Thankfully, the RK900 wasn’t identical to Connor, or Gavin would have punched him the moment he saw his face. The RK900 was taller and leaner with empty blue eyes that severely contrasted Connor’s warm brown ones. However, the RK900 was still an android, and Gavin still hated him. He wouldn’t listen to a word RK900 said, and he stubbornly shoved the android away every time he tried to get close. Gavin didn’t need a partner, and he sure as hell didn’t need a _goddamn android_. He’d been solving cases successfully on his own for years. He’d rather cut off his own arm and eat it than let some plastic bastard take credit for his work, then eventually take his job once it succeeded like Connor had.

When, after one week of shoving, constant arguing, and an unceasing tense atmosphere that put the entire precinct on edge, the RK900 had yet to request a transfer, Gavin gave up and took matters into his own hands.

“I’m not working with that prick another _day_ ,” Gavin growled after he stormed into Fowler’s office and slammed his hands on his boss’ desk. “Dump the plastic asshole on someone who actually needs help. He’s only getting in my way.”

“Not happening,” Fowler replied. He then leaned his elbows on his desk and fixed Gavin with a warning stare. “Behave, Reed, or I’ll take your gun and badge and throw you in a cell before you can tell me to fuck off.”

Gavin left Fowler’s office fuming. RK900 glanced at him when he returned to his desk, and even though there was nothing behind the look, it made Gavin’s blood boil. The detective clenched his jaw so hard that it hurt to keep himself from punching RK900’s _dumb, perfect fuckin’ face._ He couldn’t wait to get rid of that bastard. He’d rather be alone.

-000-

“Detective Reed?”

Gavin grit his teeth against the burning pain in his bicep where a bullet had grazed him and waved off his concerned partner.

“I’m fine.”

“You should go to the hospital and have your wound treated. It could get infected-“

“I _said_ I’m _fine_!” Gavin hissed, whirling around to face Nines with his face twisted in rage. His eyes found the blue stain on his partner’s shoulder where another of their suspect’s bullets had pierced the android’s body. “Why don’t _you_ get checked out? You’re more fucked up than I am,” Gavin spat.

Nines frowned. “I don’t need to. The bullet missed my biocomponents; all damage is merely cosmetic.” His eyes glowed slightly in their depths as the android activated his scanners. “The bullet that grazed you doesn’t seem to have caused any major damage, though the wound could easily be infected, and bullet wounds are notorious for causing fevers. It would be best for you to receive treatment-“

_“Fuck off_.” Gavin’s voice was low and dangerous. “I can take care of _myself_ , plastic bastard.” He whirled around and stormed away from his partner. “Don’t even fuckin’ _think_ about taking a bullet for me again,” he growled over his shoulder as he recalled the way Nines had lunged into the path of a bullet to shove Gavin out of the way, resulting in the wound on the android’s shoulder. Gavin had survived for years on his own. He didn’t need Nines’ help. He didn’t need Nines at all.

-000-

“ _Get out!_ ” Gavin snarled. His clenched fists trembled in front of him as he screamed, and his face was twisted in crazed rage.

Nines stared back for only a moment, and while he tried to keep his expression neutral, he couldn’t stop the hurt that flickered across his features just long enough for Gavin to see it before Nines turned and left without another word.

Gavin watched his partner go, then his gaze fell to the floor just before he heard the front door slam shut. _This is what I wanted. I don’t need help. I don’t need some plastic excuse for a person trying to fix me. I don’t need Nines. I don’t need anyone_. Gavin thought weak assurances to himself, though none of them dispelled the cold wave that washed over his chest and froze his stuttering heart.

-000-

_“You don’t wanna’ help me. You wanna’ fix me.”_

_“Get away from me.”_

_“I don’t need help.”_

_“I don’t need pity.”_

_“I don’t need you.”_

Gavin’s words may have been daggers aimed at Nines, though each one came back and buried itself in his own heart as the fractured organ screamed for his mouth to _stop talking, stop lying_. He couldn’t stop himself from saying words he didn’t mean—words that weren’t true. They came out no matter how hard he tried to hold them back and sent Nines away with a poorly-hidden wounded expression.

“ _Phck_ …”

-000-

_“Where’s Ada? What the hell happened?”_

_“Stay with me!”_

_“Don’t fall asleep! Don’t fall asleep…”_

_“…you can survive anything.”_

_“Hey…”_

Gavin’s heart stopped in his chest when Nines’ eyes slipped closed and his body went slack in his partner’s hold. Nines was dying. Nines was _dying_. He wouldn’t wake up no matter how many times Gavin called out to him. He wouldn’t wake in the alley. He wouldn’t wake on the way to CyberLife. He wouldn’t wake as he was pulled from Gavin’s arms and taken away by the android technicians.

In the waiting room, Gavin stared blankly at the air in front of him. All those things he’d said outside the bar. All those things he couldn’t take back. All those things he didn’t mean… He couldn’t fix any of it. He couldn’t tell Nines he’d been lying to them both as he denied his partner the closeness he wanted and rejected his own feelings for Nines. He couldn’t tell Nines he needed him. He couldn’t beg Nines not to leave him alone. Gavin would rather die than be alone. 

-000-

_“I need you… I need you to come back, Nines.”_

Hesitantly, Gavin reached for Nines’ hand. He covered it slowly with his own and felt his breath catch in his throat at the contact he had run from for months. It felt _good_ —no, it was better than that. It was comforting. It was warmth and safety. It was _home_ ; a home that was threatening to leave him just as he’d begun to gather the courage to embrace it.

_“I was…the absolute goddamn worst to you when we met.”_

_“But, you… You stuck through it.”_

_“You are my partner.”_

_“You are my best friend.”_

_“…And you are…this force in my life that I can’t live without.”_

_“I don’t wanna’ go back… I can’t go back to being without you.”_

_“Come back to me, Nines.”_

For the first time, Gavin didn’t lie. He spoke straight from his aching heart with every ounce of honesty he could muster. Gavin spoke the words he truly meant. They poured from him in an unstoppable torrent that left his heart racing, and he didn’t regret a single one. He’d already waited too long. Maybe it was too late. Maybe it was just on time. It was impossible to know for sure. Either way, Gavin had to get the words out even if Nines couldn’t hear him. He needed to make it known that he wasn’t alone, not anymore.

-000-

_Gavin rounded the corner, then he froze as his breath caught in his throat. Nines’ silhouette was hunched and small, too small for someone whose shoulders were always square and tall. There was something dark pooled around him that made Gavin’s heart stop as he stumbled into the alley and toward Nines._

_“Nines? Hey! What’s wrong? What hap-“_

_Gavin’s words died in his throat when he took Nines’ face in his hands and stared into his partner’s familiar blue eyes only to find them full of pain and fear._

_“G-Ga…vin,” Nines choked. One of his trembling hands clenched the fabric of his shirt which, upon closer examination, was clearly torn._

_Hesitantly, Gavin moved Nines’ thirium-smeared hand and ragged shirt aside and felt bile rise dangerously high in his throat when he saw that his partner’s thirium pump regulator was gone. A brief glance around the alley turned up no sign of the vital biocomponent missing from Nines’ chest._

_A strained noise clawed its way out of Nines’ throat, and Gavin returned his attention to his partner’s face. “Hey, h-hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Tin Can. Look at me, alright? Just look at me. You’ll be okay. Stay with me, Nines.” Gavin’s voice was a plea by the time he finished speaking. He could feel his eyes burning with tears he refused to allow to fall. Nines wasn’t dead yet. There was still time. Just a minute ago, Nines had entered the alley with Ada. She couldn’t have gone far. She had to be nearby. If Gavin could find her, he could get back Nines’ regulator. There was still time. There was still—_

_The LED on the side of Nines’ head flickered an angry red in the dark night, and while the android’s mouth moved, no sound came out._

_Gavin’s thumb stroked Nines’ cheek as he lifted his partner’s drooping chin so they could look each other in the eye. “I’ll find help, okay? I’ll find Ada, or someone who can get us to CyberLife. I’ll find something, Nines, I promise. Just stay awake, okay? Stay with me.” Gavin was hesitant to leave Nines’ side, but there was nothing he could do on his own. If he left he could get help, and he’d only be away for a moment. He’d be back before anything else could happen. Even if Nines didn’t make it, he wouldn’t die alone. Gavin would never let him die alone._

_Carefully, Gavin let Nines’ chin fall to his chest before he pulled his hands away and stood. He took a hesitant step away from Nines, then winced when he glanced down at his hands and saw them stained a deep blue by Nines’ thirium. Wiping his palms on his jeans, Gavin turned and jogged toward the street._

_Both the sidewalk and the road were painfully empty as Gavin scanned his surroundings for any signs of life besides himself and Nines. He couldn’t see a single person, human or android. It was as if those who had been wandering the streets just minutes ago had disappeared from the face of the earth._

_Feeling panic creeping up his throat, Gavin whirled around to check on Nines, though he was met with the view of an empty alley. There was no sign of Nines. Not a single drop of thirium shone on the concrete where the android had lain dying just a second ago._

_“Nines?” Gavin called. His voice wavered as fear began to overtake him. Where had Nines gone? What happened?” “Nines!” There was no response. Not a sound, not a motion; nothing. It was as if Nines hadn’t been in the alley at all._

_A sudden chill made Gavin turn around again, though his entire world had transformed. The street was just as empty as it had been a moment ago, though the entire scene was blanketed in snow. Another glance back at the alley showed the same sheet of white covering the ground._

_Pain erupted in Gavin’s body so harshly and abruptly that he doubled-over and staggered. He heaved in a deep breath and brought his fingers up to touch the burning bridge of his nose; they came away bloody. The blue that had stained his palms had been replaced with red._

_It took Gavin mere moments to realize where he was, or more accurately,_ when _he was. Relentless cold that seeped into his bones, a cruel breeze that froze every inch of his exposed skin, torn, bloody clothes that hung off his skinny frame, a fresh gash that would one day be a faded scar over his nose, broken bones, bruised skin, pain, pain, pain: he was a dumb kid thrown out of the only home he had left because he was too much of a coward to sell red ice._

_“Gavin?”_

_The voice was faint, but Gavin recognized it clearly._

_“Nines?” Gavin stumbled forward and wrapped an arm around his middle with a wince when his ribs protested his movement. “Nines!”_

_No response came no matter how many times Gavin called out as he limped sluggishly down the street. Snowflakes began to drift lazily from the sky while Gavin walked, though they quickly multiplied until he could hardly see an arm’s length in front of him through the raging blizzard. The wind howled so fiercely that Gavin couldn’t hear his own voice as he screamed Nines’ name until his throat burned._

_A strong gust of wind slammed into Gavin and sent him reeling until his exhausted legs gave out and he collapsed. His body hit the unforgiving concrete and sent a fresh wave of pain through his every nerve. Gavin’s body felt like it was on fire as agony burned inside him, though the frigid winter wind quickly cooled him until he was a quaking, shivering mess. He curled in on himself in a fruitless attempt to hold onto the little warmth that remained under his skin, but his ragged, blood-soaked clothes failed to buffer the wind._

_As unbearable as the cold of the wind was, even it could not compare to the icy flower that blossomed in Gavin’s heart and mercilessly ripped it to shreds with jagged petals as his reality set in. No one could hear him; he couldn’t even hear himself. No one knew where he was. No one was looking for him. Nines was gone. Fowler was nowhere to be seen. His only ‘friends’ were the reason he was dying on some random backstreet in the first place, and he had no family to claim his body when some poor bastard stumbled across it in the morning. He was alone. He was dying alone—and he was afraid. His false bravado could hide his true feelings from view, though no amount could erase the fact that he was terrified._

_“…avin?”_

_The voice was distant, so much so that Gavin was almost convinced he’d imagined it. That didn’t stop him from replying, though._

_“N-N-Ni-Ni-ne-s-s,” he breathed through chattering teeth. “N-Ni-nes!”_

_“Gavin!”_

_Gavin tried to move. He tried to stand and run. He wanted to run until he found Nines no matter how far he had to go, but he couldn’t get his legs under him. His body felt heavy like someone was holding him down. Gavin could feel the pressure of hands on his chest, pressing him into the ground. He thrashed weakly in an attempt to escape, but the pressure only grew. When he lashed out with his arms, something closed around his wrist._

_“……!”_

_The voice was unintelligible now. It was muffled like it was speaking through water. Gavin could only keep trying to fight for freedom against the force that held him down, though the little energy he had scraped together was running dangerously low._

_“Gavin!”_

_It was getting hard to breathe. Air refused to enter Gavin’s lungs no matter how hard he tried to inhale. Everything hurt. His lungs burned. He was tired, but he had to keep fighting. He had to break free. He had to…_

Gavin gasped for air as his eyes flew open.

“Gavin? Gavin, it’s okay! It’s okay, it’s just a dream. It’s not real. _It’s not real_.”

Nines’ voice reached Gavin through the detective’s panicked haze as he woke violently from his nightmare.

“Gavin, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. Look at me, it’s okay.”

Gavin’s wide, frantic eyes glanced between Nines’ hand on his chest holding him in place, the hand locked around his wrists to keep his arm in check, and Nines’ concerned eyes watching him in the darkness of the night. The detective’s chest heaved and his heart pounded so quickly and forcefully that he felt like it might burst. The harsh cold that had tormented him moments ago was replaced by his body’s scalding heat, and the phantom aches from his dreams lingered, though they slowly ebbed.

“Nines?” Gavin breathed, still gasping for air that didn’t quite fill his lungs.

Nines nodded as he let go of Gavin’s wrist in favor of brushing his partner’s hair away from his clammy forehead.

Gavin didn’t notice the tears on his cheeks until Nines’ thumb wiped them away. Out of habit, Gavin brushed Nines’ hands off him and messily wiped the sweat and tears off his face himself. He sniffed loudly and blinked away the moisture in his eyes as he fought to steady his breaths.

“Are you okay?” Nines asked quietly. His brow was furrowed and his forehead pinched as he scanned Gavin’s vitals with a faint glow in his eyes.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine…” Gavin’s tone was empty. He shifted where he lay, though he didn’t get up. His ribs still ached and he didn’t have the energy to sit up or move far.

Nines looked unconvinced, though he said nothing. He didn’t touch Gavin again, either, and the detective pretended he didn’t feel a pang of disappointment in his chest.

Gavin scrubbed tiredly at his face, then glanced out into the living room. He could see the faint glow of a tablet in the darkness. “Were you working?” he asked.

“I was just writing up some reports. Nothing important,” Nines replied. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to get you anything?”

Gavin shook his head and rolled onto his side so he was facing Nines. “I’m fine, Nines.”

Nines was quiet for a moment as his gaze shifted from Gavin to his hands in his lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Gavin’s answer came quickly. There was no decision to be made. The nightmare he’d just experienced had been the worst one in _years_ , no question. He’d already watched Nines die in the alley a hundred times over in his sleep after the night they dealt with Ada, and while each scenario never failed to squeeze his chest and always felt painfully real, not once had the night in the alley and the night Fowler found Gavin merged. Not once had the two most painful experiences in his life come together in an ultimate tragedy that left Gavin thoroughly ruined. To lose the person who had never turned their back on him even when he gave his worst, then die frozen, alone, _forgotten_ , _uncared_ for…

Gavin’s breath caught, and he forced himself to tear his attention away from his thoughts. The bedroom wall was far less threatening than the false memories prowling in his head.

“It’s only three in the morning. You should try to get more sleep if you can,” Nines recommended. He rose from where he was perched on the edge of the bed, stepped back, and turned away as he began his return to the living room. “I’ll let you rest and see what other work-“

Nines paused abruptly when Gavin lurched upright and snatched his wrist in a vice-like grip so strong that a warning message popped up in the android’s peripheral vision. Nines glanced back at Gavin in alarm, then activated his scanners just long enough to notice that his partner’s vitals had suddenly spiked.

“Gavin? What’s wro-“

“ _Don’t._ ”

Gavin’s voice was low and quiet. His eyes were locked on the floor, and his death grip only tightened as a moment passed in tense silence between them.

“What d-“

“Don’t…” Gavin interrupted again. There was a slight quiver in his weak tone that turned what he meant to be a demand into a fearful plea. “ _Don’t leave me alone_ ,” he whispered.

Nines stared for a moment, unsure whether or not he’d heard correctly despite his enhanced hearing and perfect recall. Even after their long-overdue kiss following Nines’ near death and the subsequent beginning of their romantic relationship, Gavin wasn’t big on physical contact. He’d explained to Nines that he’d spent his whole life pulling away from others, and while he wasn’t _repulsed_ by physical touch, he wasn’t accustomed to it, either. It would take time for him to be comfortable in the hands of another, even if those hands belonged to the person he loved more than anything and whom couldn’t live without.

Slowly, Nines stepped back toward Gavin, who slid backward to make room on the bed all without letting go of Nines’ wrist. Nines sat hesitantly on the edge of the bed, though when Gavin’s grip didn’t ease, he moved closer to his partner.

Gavin refused to look at Nines, but he kept his eyes open and still didn’t let go of Nines.

After a moment of building up his courage, Nines laid down. He silently set himself on his side so he faced Gavin, though he was careful to leave a gap between them. He was there to make Gavin comfortable enough to sleep, not to make him feel smothered.

To Nines’ surprise, it was _Gavin_ who moved closer. The detective closed the gap between them and set his forehead against Nines’ sternum, and his hair brushed the underside of Nines’ chin and his throat. He then curled in on himself in a way Nines had never seen his partner do before. Finally, Gavin let go of Nines’ wrist, though the detective’s hands didn’t remain empty for long. One arm wedged itself between them, and the other found its way around Nines’ back. When Gavin’s fingers dug into his partner’s shirt and clenched the material in a tight fist, Nines had no doubt remaining that something was _definitely_ wrong. Whatever had been tormenting Gavin in his dreams had clearly been unlike anything before. _Nothing_ had shaken Gavin as much as that nightmare, not as long as Nines had known him.

Despite his curiosity, Nines kept his mouth shut. Instead of speaking, he opted to get comfortable; he wouldn’t be going anywhere for the rest of the night. Nines pillowed one arm under his head, then hesitantly set the other over Gavin. When he met no resistance, he let his arm settle lazily around his partner.

Hours passed, and Nines remained in place. Discreetly he activated his scanners from time to time to check Gavin’s vitals, and he held the detective _just a little tighter_ every time Gavin tensed or his heart rate started to rise. Nines didn’t know what was going on in Gavin’s head, though he _did_ know what Gavin had told him. _Don’t leave me alone_. Nines had no intention of leaving Gavin on his own. He thought he’d made that clear the night on the balcony when he’d told Gavin that he wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe he _had_ made it clear. Maybe clarity wasn’t the issue. After all, just before that, he’d nearly left Gavin alone against his will when Ada nearly killed him.

Nines closed his eyes. If Gavin was worried about being alone, then Nines would have to show him that he never would be, not as long as Nines was alive. Nines would show him that no chance tragedy, no criminal, no unfortunate circumstance would take him from Gavin. He would be there until the end, whether that was the next day or decades in the future.

The sun began to rise as morning dawned. Gavin was still asleep in Nines’ hold, and the android shifted the slightest bit to ensure the sunlight that peeked through the blinds wouldn’t find Gavin’s eyes. Let him sleep. Let him rest, and when the time came for Gavin to face the world, Nines would be at his side so he would never be alone again.


End file.
